“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:14).

I love the way the New Living Translation Bible translates the phrase, “bear with each other.” The NLT says, “Make allowance for each other’s faults…”

That’s it! That’s what bearing with each other means. It means that we make room for each other’s faults.

The thing is everyone will make mistakes. Everyone will do something stupid. Everyone will do something dumb because we are sinners. We are human. And, because we are sinners, we need to make allowance and make room for each other’s mistakes.

One of the phrases that has saved our marriage is: “I know you love me. I know you did not do this intentionally to hurt me. So I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

Let’s break this down:

• I know you love me
  • This is where we start. This is the reason why we’re married. It’s because of love. We have to be able to assume love
• I know you did not do this intentionally to hurt me
  • The key word is “intentionally”
  • Because we are all selfish, inwardly focused sinners we’re going to hurt one another. Most of the time, we’re going to hurt someone without even trying…without even knowing we hurt the other. We’re like that. All of us
  • If someone goes around hurting people intentionally, then that’s whole different problem
• I will give you the benefit of the doubt
  • Just because you’ve been hurt, doesn’t mean you ought to respond with hurt and retaliation to every offense. If you did, you would be in conflict all the time. Such relationships would never make it
  • There has to be room for grace. There has to be some breathing room in all relationships where we give each other the benefit of the doubt

That’s what our Bible verse is saying. We are disciples. We are members of the church of Jesus Christ. So when someone hurts us or offends us, we will assume that they did not hurt us intentionally. Therefore, we will give each other space and practice grace so that we can forgive one another.

That’s a great way to build community. In fact, it’s the only way to build community.

I know you love me. I know you did not do this intentionally to hurt me. So I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Go ahead. Try it. Apply it to your relationships. Practice grace.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion…Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of others” (Philippians 2:1, 3-5).

Only if Jesus is Lord…

Only if you are a disciple of Jesus Christ…

Only if you have been comforted by the love and grace of Christ…

Only if you share in the tenderness and the compassion of the Holy Spirit…

Then do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of others.

If Jesus is Lord, there is a very particular and specific way God expects followers of Jesus to live:

• Do nothing out of selfish ambition
  • The Greek word for selfish ambition refers to work that is done only for hire, only for selfish gain, only if there is something in it for me
  • We have a word like that – mercenary
• Do nothing out of vain conceit
  • The Greek word for vain conceit literally means “empty pride”, a state of pride that has no basis or justification
  • We have a word for that – confused, fool
• Rather in humility
  • The Greek word for humility literally means “lowliness of mind”. Humility and lowliness of mind happens because we are no longer comparing ourselves against one another, but against the Lord himself. Compared to Christ, we have not basis for pride or vain conceit
• Value
  • The Greek word literally means to regard, to consider, to esteem
  • Because of Christ, because of all that Christ has done for us, because salvation is purely grace, because we are all recipients of grace…we value, regard, consider, esteem others above ourselves

Remember, this only refers to you if you are a disciple, a follower of Jesus. Only if Jesus has saved you from sin and death. If that’s the case, however, then this is how disciples and followers of Jesus live.

Why? Because Jesus lives this way. Doing nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit. Instead, in humility valuing others above himself.

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12).

Everything.

That’s pretty much inclusive of…well…everything.

That’s the thing about words like that – there are no loopholes, no escape clauses, no ifs and or buts.

Everything pretty much includes everything.

Had it said, “So in most situations…”, or even better, “So in some situations…” do to others what you would have them do to you, it would be more to my taste.

Now, what is it that we are to do in everything? What is it that God is calling us to do in every situation? Jesus tells us, “Do to others what you would have them do to you.”

But what if the other person really hurt me? But what if the other person really doesn’t deserve respect, kindness, forgiveness? What if the other person is a total jerk? What if I am really the victim? What if I was really wronged? What if I really don’t even like the other person?

Everything.

And there is that word again…everything. In every situation, do to others what you would have them do to you.

• Do you like being treated with respect?
• Do you like being given the benefit of the doubt?
• Do you appreciate being recognized and honored?
• Do you like being included?
• Do you appreciate being forgiven?

In all these things, in every situation, in everything…do to others what you would have them do to you.

Finally, guess what voice the verb “do” is written in. Yup. It’s an imperative. This is a command. If you’re a disciple, you follow Jesus. Jesus commands: “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.”