I heard a story on Dr. James Dobson’s radio program while driving to the airport. I had to go and catch the plane, but I couldn’t get myself out of the car until the letter was finished. I believe this letter will touch your heart as it did mine. God bless you and know that God loves you – no matter what we are facing in life, God is more than enough to carry us through.
Here is the letter.
My dear Bristol,
Before you were born I prayed for you. In my heart I knew you would be a little angel, and so you were. When you were born on my birthday, April 7th, it was evident that you were a special gift from the Lord. But, how profound a gift you turned out to be – more than the beautiful bundle of gurgles and rosy cheeks, more than the first born of my flesh – a joy unspeakable.
You showed me God’s love more than anything else in all God’s creation. Bristol, you taught me how to love. I certainly loved you when you were cuddly and cute – when you rolled over and sat up and jabbered your first words. I loved you when the searing pain of the realization took hold that something was wrong. That maybe you were not developing as quickly as your peers. And then when we understood it was more serious than that, I loved you when we went from hospital to clinic to doctor, looking for a medical diagnosis that would bring us some hope.
And of course we always prayed for you – and prayed and prayed. I loved you when one of the test resulted in too much spinal fluid being drawn from your body, and you screamed. I loved you when you moaned and cried, when your mom, I, and your sisters would drive for hours late at night to help you fall asleep. I loved you with tears in my eyes when you were confused, you would bite your fingers or your lip by accident, and when your eyes crossed and then went blind.
I most certainly loved you when you could no longer speak. But how profoundly I missed your voice. I loved you when your scoliosis started wrenching your body like a pretzel and we put a tube in your stomach so you could eat because you were choking on your food which we fed you one spoon-fill at a time for up to two hours per meal. I managed to love you when your contorted limbs would not allow ease of changing messy diapers. So many diapers. Ten years of diapers.
Bristol, I even loved you when you could not say the one thing in life that I longed to hear back – Daddy. I love you.
Bristol, I loved you when I was close to God and when He seemed far away. When I was full of faith and also when I was angry at Him. And the reason I loved you, my Bristol, in spite of these difficulties is that God put this love in my heart.
This is the wondrous nature of God’s love – that He loves us even when we’re blind, or deaf, or twisted in body or spirit. God loves us when we can’t tell Him back that we love Him.
My dear Bristol, now you are free. I look forward to that day according to God’s promises when we will be joined together with you and with the Lord, completely whole and full of joy. I’m so happy that you have your crown first. We will follow you someday – In His time.
Before you were born, I prayed for you. In my heart I knew you would be a little angel. And so you are.
Love,
Daddy
Praxis: Faith in Action 