“Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – the good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

“Just be yourself.”

That’s the mantra of our world. It is so affirming. It is so encouraging. It sounds so kind.

The problem is that this is a lie. This is deception at the very core. This idea is the propagation of the devil.

If human beings are good, holy, kind, loving, giving, wise, true then it would be great to “Just be yourself.” But if this is who we are, God would never have had to send his Son to die for sinners. This negates the need for a Savior.

However, if human beings are wicked, sinful, selfish, liars, murderous, jealous then it would be an absolute disaster to “Just be yourself.”

If we are honest with ourselves, when we get quiet and have the opportunity to examine our hearts and thoughts, we come face to face with the truth that the Bible says about our core identity – we are sinners in need of a Savior.

While the mantra of the devil is “Just be yourself,” the scriptures remind us, “Be like Christ.”

Repent. Turn away from sin. Turn away from self. Turn to Christ. Pursue Christ.

Our hope in this world has always been, continues to be, and will always be Christ and Christ alone.

Christ is our hope.

Don’t fall into the devil’s lie. Our freedom and hope is in pursuing Christ and his righteousness.

Please, don’t ever be just yourself.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:14).

I love the way the New Living Translation Bible translates the phrase, “bear with each other.” The NLT says, “Make allowance for each other’s faults…”

That’s it! That’s what bearing with each other means. It means that we make room for each other’s faults.

The thing is everyone will make mistakes. Everyone will do something stupid. Everyone will do something dumb because we are sinners. We are human. And, because we are sinners, we need to make allowance and make room for each other’s mistakes.

One of the phrases that has saved our marriage is: “I know you love me. I know you did not do this intentionally to hurt me. So I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

Let’s break this down:

• I know you love me
  • This is where we start. This is the reason why we’re married. It’s because of love. We have to be able to assume love
• I know you did not do this intentionally to hurt me
  • The key word is “intentionally”
  • Because we are all selfish, inwardly focused sinners we’re going to hurt one another. Most of the time, we’re going to hurt someone without even trying…without even knowing we hurt the other. We’re like that. All of us
  • If someone goes around hurting people intentionally, then that’s whole different problem
• I will give you the benefit of the doubt
  • Just because you’ve been hurt, doesn’t mean you ought to respond with hurt and retaliation to every offense. If you did, you would be in conflict all the time. Such relationships would never make it
  • There has to be room for grace. There has to be some breathing room in all relationships where we give each other the benefit of the doubt

That’s what our Bible verse is saying. We are disciples. We are members of the church of Jesus Christ. So when someone hurts us or offends us, we will assume that they did not hurt us intentionally. Therefore, we will give each other space and practice grace so that we can forgive one another.

That’s a great way to build community. In fact, it’s the only way to build community.

I know you love me. I know you did not do this intentionally to hurt me. So I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Go ahead. Try it. Apply it to your relationships. Practice grace.

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion…Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of others” (Philippians 2:1, 3-5).

Only if Jesus is Lord…

Only if you are a disciple of Jesus Christ…

Only if you have been comforted by the love and grace of Christ…

Only if you share in the tenderness and the compassion of the Holy Spirit…

Then do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of others.

If Jesus is Lord, there is a very particular and specific way God expects followers of Jesus to live:

• Do nothing out of selfish ambition
  • The Greek word for selfish ambition refers to work that is done only for hire, only for selfish gain, only if there is something in it for me
  • We have a word like that – mercenary
• Do nothing out of vain conceit
  • The Greek word for vain conceit literally means “empty pride”, a state of pride that has no basis or justification
  • We have a word for that – confused, fool
• Rather in humility
  • The Greek word for humility literally means “lowliness of mind”. Humility and lowliness of mind happens because we are no longer comparing ourselves against one another, but against the Lord himself. Compared to Christ, we have not basis for pride or vain conceit
• Value
  • The Greek word literally means to regard, to consider, to esteem
  • Because of Christ, because of all that Christ has done for us, because salvation is purely grace, because we are all recipients of grace…we value, regard, consider, esteem others above ourselves

Remember, this only refers to you if you are a disciple, a follower of Jesus. Only if Jesus has saved you from sin and death. If that’s the case, however, then this is how disciples and followers of Jesus live.

Why? Because Jesus lives this way. Doing nothing out of selfish ambition and vain conceit. Instead, in humility valuing others above himself.